Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
