Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
