it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
