Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
