Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
