Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
