Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
