So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
