Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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