let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
