i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
