2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
