I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
