Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Terrible idea I love it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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