I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
