We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There r osticjed everywhere
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we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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