Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
