Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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