Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did i walk over a car last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
