I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
