i barfeds in our rink
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
