You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
