Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
