This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
