i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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