@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
