The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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