I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize