I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
