Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
