i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize