I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
