I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Houston, we have a blender
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
