He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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