two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
