I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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