If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
