How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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