she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
