Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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