We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
