I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
