Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
