I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
