Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
