you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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