No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
