Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a beard to bite.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
