I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
