There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As shirtless as possible
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize