Me too!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
