You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
