i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
