update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
