I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
