Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
