So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
