You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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