YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
