Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
