Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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