I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
