If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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