i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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