I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
