So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
