he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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