Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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