Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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