The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
