never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
