what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
