Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
