You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
