remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
