youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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