clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
