dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
