somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
false alarm, still single
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