Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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